This summer there are many journeys I am going on with God. School ended on June 24th, my responsibilities as an RA ended on the 25th, and summer began in full force! Already, in just 10 days, God has done so much more than I could ask for, or even imagine possible. Ephesians 3:20, right!?
Anyway, in all these amazing moments the one thing that's remained difficult is finding the time to share with everyone. I want to encourage and testify to God's amazing work.
That's the "why" of this blog. To share His work - not my own experiences, pictures, stories and insights (though, all of those will be included) - but the big purpose in this writing is His glory.
This also explains why I chose the title "Incandescent" for this blog! Lately God has given that word a lot of significance in my life and in my understanding of Him and the Holy Spirit.
It all began this past October, when I was at the lowest I'd been in my faith since starting college. I was still seeking God, but struggling under the weight of too many challenges, with too little support. Then I read from My Utmost for His Highest, a daily devotional on October 13th:
"We may have the vision of God and a very clear understanding of what God wants, and then we start to do the thing..."
And my reaction: "YEAH! That's me! I can see it..."
But, "then comes something equivalent to the forty years in the wilderness, as if God had ignored the whole thing..."
Me: "Oh" Because I had so much vision for how God would work this past year and I was so confident I knew what to do, when suddenly everything came crashing down. The wilderness had come, but...
"...once we are thoroughly discouraged God comes back and revives the call...and we say 'Oh, who am I...
...We have to learn that our individual effort for God is an impertinence; our individuality is to be rendered incandescent by a personal relationship with God."
That day, I looked up the definitions for impertinence and incandescent:
lack of respect, rudeness
a. emitting light as a result of being heated
b. (of an electric light) containing a filament that glows white-hot when heated by a current passed through it
c. passionate or brilliant
My rushing and straining and striving for the vision I felt God had given was pride and stepping over what God could be doing...instead I wanted to take it for myself and make everything happen. So He gave me some wilderness to work through, and I am grateful for it.
And INCANDESCENT was just...awesome to me. As a theatre designer and student at UMBC, I've gotten to learn about different fields of theatre design, including lighting. In theatre lighting, incandescent lights fit the b. definition of incandescent, also known as fresnel lights. The thing about those lights is, they have TONS of knobs and bolts and attachments to adjust the light they put out: size, direction, shape, color, you name it. But if the filament is burnt out, or if the light is not plugged into a power source, none of those things matter.
If I am a light - no matter how focused I am, no matter how accurately colored and pointed and grounded I am; if I am not plugged into God's word and electrified, fueled, heated by His power - I will still only have my own darkness. The Holy Spirit is the filament burning inside me. And through all of my features, my experiences, my talents, my words, He may shine out through me.
"You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light." 2 Samuel 22:29
"For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God who said, 'let light shine out of darkness,' made His light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that His all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." 2 Corinthians 4:6
I am a jar of clay, fragile and breakable, holding the amazing treasure of God. Not to prove I am good enough, but to show through my own weaknesses that He is good enough.
Since then God been reshaping my heart. I am beyond excited to see how He uses that faithfully through this summer, and continues to teach me. I cannot wait to share with you all.
If you would join me in prayer, and please reach out to me when you need prayer, seriously. Seriously. Even if I barely know you - if you need prayer, I want to pray with you.
Let's see God's amazing work, together.