INCANDESCENT

Assorted Unfiltered

Thoughts.

All of which I've jotted down in Google Keep over the past couple of weeks.

If you're a Christian and you don't know how to see that you're wrong, confess, apologize, and ask for forgiveness right now...


...double check how you got saved.


Because if your Christianity is about being right - you're missing the bad news that makes the good news necessary - that ALL have sinned. Including your prideful ass.


Double check what Gospel you're preaching with your presence. Christians should always be first in line to confront our own junk, repent, and try again.

That was in a rare & bitter moment where I would let a curse word slip in. Thanks for your grace.

The Bible never talks about discomfort. Why? It's too low a bar to even be worth mentioning. As Christians, if we are only uncomfortable, we are nowhere near the fullness of life that Jesus preached.

I had a dream last night where I was getting ready to take a test with classmates. Time before the test was running out


Minutes before the start, I walked back to my home to get something. I waddled in these terrible shoes. As I walked into home there were all these white women, griping about comfort. They lamented my dumb shoes and I joined them in the anger of these shoes...these shoes I had no need to keep on - but was somehow expected/required to, by whatever force was also administering the test.


I woke up with two things clear:

1. Look up the definition/word origin of "protest."

2. My comfort...I cling to...produces more of a discomfort and bondage than my freedom would. The shoes are a choice (one strongly suggested, but not forced - why was I so unable to kick off the shoes? Why did I care more to grumble about the shoes being on with my fellow white women, than I did about ripping them off?)

After running - there was something about those shoes that allowed me access/entry - possibly to the test itself...

the test

standardized

set, systems

erected to determine

our rightness

answer keys stolen

by ancestors

until a new truth

was written

unequal access

deaths even...

this test

scrupulously set

timetables and frames

of when each of us

will indoctrinate

to pass the test

passive test

no emotion

or empathy

needed here

only cold, hard

"facts"

the learned histories

of our past

written by victors

whose vengeance

for power ripples

across every less-than

demographics pitted

against one another

as if there were only

Black and white

man and woman

the the Black woman left to

bear the burden

of two wrongs dealt her

by the pressure

of these "answers"

written long ago

before her birth

and yet running

through her bones

her ancestors scream

injustice in the streets

pavements re-made

into a more efficient Babylon

as Empire economy

strips the would-be

reformers to mere

token gestures

a loose applause

for the underdog

while those in power

can still give out charity

oh how would we justify

our masses of wealth

if we had no poor

to give a token to?

if we could not simply

make ourselves happy

with artificial warm fuzzies

generated by injustices

played out far beyond us

"third world" as if

we somehow got here first

and others lagged...

but no we arrived

to steal, pillage, rape,

confiscate

these lands

and abuse them into our own

until they with Stockholm syndrome

began to call us powerful, beautiful

an America to make great again

white people

please dream

of a day where your charity

will no longer be a need

because equity in the human family

reigns instead supreme

when you

(as you seem

to be

freely giving)

can equally

learn to receive

and understand

that we lack nothing

most of all

when the gain of some

is not pinned on the lack of many

and when charity

becomes obsolete

maybe we can reach

a kind of understanding

when donors and money

are not the scales of justice

but human empathy

story

written to tell us

something new

about each other

no longer simply

and categorically

"giver" and "receiver"

(oh far too easily

branded into

"savior" and "taker")

but rather

holy

mutuality


may it be.

seeking enemies

to expel our fears

hatred and heat

into some kind of

false cloud of righteousness

as if words could form

into sensible shape

the reason our being

and our doing

is better

better

better

than the other

Christians shouldn't be calling for peace and kindness and love from everyone right now.


BUT if you're a Christian feeling called to have peace/joy/love, here is my question: are you able to do that when your comfort is destroyed? Are you able to be loving and gentle and kind, when someone is challenging you? Are you able to have peace in the midst of unrest? Are you able to have joy while discussing difficult topics?


And I'm not talking joy, peace, and love that erases the pain of the people you're talking with. Are you able to mourn with those who mourn? Are you able to pray, "we" and "our" for sins you may not feel you've personally committed?


God calls us INTO difficulty and discomfort and allows us to have abounding peace, love, and joy in the midst of it. This is a testimony to how good He is.


What are you afraid of? Are you relying on worldly power and protection?


As Christians, we can run into the fire. We can go out into deep waters. We can have faith in a God of justice and righteousness and love and be fearless in every circumstance. Jesus died on the cross. "If you gave your life to love them, so will I."


If you're a Christian advising other people to lay down their protests and quiet down their pain in the name of peace, love, and joy - please reevaluate.


Do we want actual peace, or just to have our comfort back?

I'm not interested in hearing your race resume. I am not interested in outlining my own. Show me your heart. What burdens do you bear? Do any of them exist outside your immediately affected demographic? What have you wept for? What prayers have you felt unable to pray? What groanings of the Spirit have you felt well up in your gut?


They do not need to be the same for everyone. But are you listening? Because He speaks.

I invite rebuke for any of this.


With thanks and love,

~Mia


prayer requests:

~Gratitude and joy to continue to surprisingly overflow, as I choose to keep going deeper into learning about injustices.

~For my grandma's eye to heal (she had an emergency surgery - praise that it was possible and went well, now just prayers for continued healing).

~Major thanks that God has provided superabundantly and continues to amaze me with His guidance in this uncertain season. Please pray I would use this as an opportunity to walk with greater boldness & confidence in Him, to continue letting go of control or a desire for security. He's got me. He's shown Himself more than faithful.