Thoughts.
All of which I've jotted down in Google Keep over the past couple of weeks.
If you're a Christian and you don't know how to see that you're wrong, confess, apologize, and ask for forgiveness right now...
...double check how you got saved.
Because if your Christianity is about being right - you're missing the bad news that makes the good news necessary - that ALL have sinned. Including your prideful ass.
Double check what Gospel you're preaching with your presence. Christians should always be first in line to confront our own junk, repent, and try again.
That was in a rare & bitter moment where I would let a curse word slip in. Thanks for your grace.
The Bible never talks about discomfort. Why? It's too low a bar to even be worth mentioning. As Christians, if we are only uncomfortable, we are nowhere near the fullness of life that Jesus preached.
I had a dream last night where I was getting ready to take a test with classmates. Time before the test was running out
Minutes before the start, I walked back to my home to get something. I waddled in these terrible shoes. As I walked into home there were all these white women, griping about comfort. They lamented my dumb shoes and I joined them in the anger of these shoes...these shoes I had no need to keep on - but was somehow expected/required to, by whatever force was also administering the test.
I woke up with two things clear:
1. Look up the definition/word origin of "protest."
2. My comfort...I cling to...produces more of a discomfort and bondage than my freedom would. The shoes are a choice (one strongly suggested, but not forced - why was I so unable to kick off the shoes? Why did I care more to grumble about the shoes being on with my fellow white women, than I did about ripping them off?)
After running - there was something about those shoes that allowed me access/entry - possibly to the test itself...
the test
standardized
set, systems
erected to determine
our rightness
answer keys stolen
by ancestors
until a new truth
was written
unequal access
deaths even...
this test
scrupulously set
timetables and frames
of when each of us
will indoctrinate
to pass the test
passive test
no emotion
or empathy
needed here
only cold, hard
"facts"
the learned histories
of our past
written by victors
whose vengeance
for power ripples
across every less-than
demographics pitted
against one another
as if there were only
Black and white
man and woman
the the Black woman left to
bear the burden
of two wrongs dealt her
by the pressure
of these "answers"
written long ago
before her birth
and yet running
through her bones
her ancestors scream
injustice in the streets
pavements re-made
into a more efficient Babylon
as Empire economy
strips the would-be
reformers to mere
token gestures
a loose applause
for the underdog
while those in power
can still give out charity
oh how would we justify
our masses of wealth
if we had no poor
to give a token to?
if we could not simply
make ourselves happy
with artificial warm fuzzies
generated by injustices
played out far beyond us
"third world" as if
we somehow got here first
and others lagged...
but no we arrived
to steal, pillage, rape,
confiscate
these lands
and abuse them into our own
until they with Stockholm syndrome
began to call us powerful, beautiful
an America to make great again
white people
please dream
of a day where your charity
will no longer be a need
because equity in the human family
reigns instead supreme
when you
(as you seem
to be
freely giving)
can equally
learn to receive
and understand
that we lack nothing
most of all
when the gain of some
is not pinned on the lack of many
and when charity
becomes obsolete
maybe we can reach
a kind of understanding
when donors and money
are not the scales of justice
but human empathy
story
written to tell us
something new
about each other
no longer simply
and categorically
"giver" and "receiver"
(oh far too easily
branded into
"savior" and "taker")
but rather
holy
mutuality
may it be.
seeking enemies
to expel our fears
hatred and heat
into some kind of
false cloud of righteousness
as if words could form
into sensible shape
the reason our being
and our doing
is better
better
better
than the other
Christians shouldn't be calling for peace and kindness and love from everyone right now.
BUT if you're a Christian feeling called to have peace/joy/love, here is my question: are you able to do that when your comfort is destroyed? Are you able to be loving and gentle and kind, when someone is challenging you? Are you able to have peace in the midst of unrest? Are you able to have joy while discussing difficult topics?
And I'm not talking joy, peace, and love that erases the pain of the people you're talking with. Are you able to mourn with those who mourn? Are you able to pray, "we" and "our" for sins you may not feel you've personally committed?
God calls us INTO difficulty and discomfort and allows us to have abounding peace, love, and joy in the midst of it. This is a testimony to how good He is.
What are you afraid of? Are you relying on worldly power and protection?
As Christians, we can run into the fire. We can go out into deep waters. We can have faith in a God of justice and righteousness and love and be fearless in every circumstance. Jesus died on the cross. "If you gave your life to love them, so will I."
If you're a Christian advising other people to lay down their protests and quiet down their pain in the name of peace, love, and joy - please reevaluate.
Do we want actual peace, or just to have our comfort back?
I'm not interested in hearing your race resume. I am not interested in outlining my own. Show me your heart. What burdens do you bear? Do any of them exist outside your immediately affected demographic? What have you wept for? What prayers have you felt unable to pray? What groanings of the Spirit have you felt well up in your gut?
They do not need to be the same for everyone. But are you listening? Because He speaks.
I invite rebuke for any of this.
With thanks and love,
~Mia
prayer requests:
~Gratitude and joy to continue to surprisingly overflow, as I choose to keep going deeper into learning about injustices.
~For my grandma's eye to heal (she had an emergency surgery - praise that it was possible and went well, now just prayers for continued healing).
~Major thanks that God has provided superabundantly and continues to amaze me with His guidance in this uncertain season. Please pray I would use this as an opportunity to walk with greater boldness & confidence in Him, to continue letting go of control or a desire for security. He's got me. He's shown Himself more than faithful.