"and I'm falling apart - as I carry my heart - to Your throne"
I'm a fool. I'm an idiot. I'm a child.
And yet, here I stand in an adult body
in an adult world that continues to build
oh how we build into it all
adults after adults marching on in our
faulty knowledge of what's right
yelling correctness at each other
gentleness
"how can you be kind to others
if you can't be kind to yourself?"
love your neighbor as yourself
but when I'm filled to the brim with an
un-self-forgiveness and shame loaded on
by a terrible, selfish pride
(hint: there's pride in appearing humble)
how can I possibly love?
to need God is to need Him freshly every day
we've never "made it"
and pride and Mia the main character comes back
like snap - right back - like that
so fast I lose it
lose Him
lose myself
love Him
love myself
He dares to call it simple (not easy)
He dares to call it...
Matthew 11:28-30
"come to me"
"I'm afraid"
"come, please"
"What if I was too bad...too much this time?"
"I will give you rest"
"But I..."
"rest from yourself. you're being so hard on yourself."
"Jesus I just want to be good for you."
"you can't."
"...I know."
"learn from me - follow - carry the cross I carried"
"it's too much for me"
"understand, friend. I am gentle and humble in heart. That's all you need to be."
"Really?"
"rest your soul. stop trying this hard. I don't want that for you."
"Everyone else...everything else..." "come to me."
she looks back, and Jesus begins to walk.
Why am I so surprised that He's asking me into more and more and more, when that is exactly what I've asked for? Why am I surprised that it looks like complete foolishness, when that's exactly what He says in the word?
Why can't I be perfect about it, yet?
"sweet child, then the credit couldn't be mine."
Okay. Help me, please.
"I am."
I've never needed God more than I have at this point in my life - no - I've never known my need for God more than at this point in my life. I want to know it more (oh boy, yikes, why am I choosing that?) and to live it more.
Prayers appreciated. Living sacrifice. Fearlessness. Love, hope, joy. Breaking down all pride (yikes) like face-in-the-mud levels of humbling (yikes, yikes yikes maybe don't pray that for me) and that He would hold me...
With thanks and love,
~Mia